In what can only be described as a science experiment gone horribly wrong, a man with an undiagnosed case of osteogenesis imperfecta (OI) is in critical condition after undergoing more than 8 hours of surgery for a multitude of injuries, including but not limited to a complete body rash which may be extremely contagious.








Scientists at the Institute for the Study of Oral Locution in Ensnarement were attempting to advance the use of certain music in hostage situations, which has been shown to have both a calming effect on the hostages and a grating effect on the captors – “These strategies may involve … psychological operations oriented to tension reduction themes (for example, playing morale-building music outside a captured embassy).” (http://c21.maxwell.af.mil/amedd/hostage_negotiation.htm).
In order to learn more about this phenomenon, different styles of music from the 1960’s through the 1990’s was played at various volumes while people were imprisoned inside various small rooms. In the unfortunate result involving our OI patient, the suffering first started when “Paint it Black” was played over the loudspeakers. Further damage was done as the music moved into the seventies with “Blue Collar Man (Long Nights)”, while some 70’s (”Don’t Give up on Us Baby”) and 80’s songs from the platinum albums “Pornograffitti” and “Bad Animals” helped to temper the damage that had already been done.
Although no questions as to what happened or the current condition of the patient have been answered, a brief joint statement from the scientists at the institute and the surgeons at the Hospital of Overlooked or Educed Yaws:
“While it appears that the patient is not yet out of the woods, just knowing which type of music correlated with each injury proved to be very helpful. Upon conferring with the scientists at the institute, it became obvious that Styx and Stones may break bones, but More Than Words will never hurt you. In addition, a little bit of Heart and Soul can work miracles.”